No, I do not play saxophone, and this post is not about that type of blues. I feel kinda down lately and I am writing this for myself to pinpoint if there is an actual reason to be feeling like this or not.
There are small things missing, that is for sure.
Lacking real friends since most of my friends are having their lives in another cities and countries, some of them with families, some of them on a journey of finding themselves, and I came to Belgrade 2 years ago pursuing a professional career.
The second thing that is missing is a significant other.
I had a girlfriend for seven years, and I decided to end the relationship because in those seven years the relationship or the girlfriend did not grow from day one, and it was killing me for the last 3 years.
Maybe the reason why I think this is one of the reasons for the unhappiness I feel lately is that I have these couple of friends that have the ‘happily ever after’ relationship and I think that would be nice to have one of those. Or maybe is just a case of ‘the grass is always greener’ and wishing what you do not have because someone else has it.
No matter how much you have or where are you in life there is always that one thing that you think will make you happy, as Jordan Peterson said in the book ’12 Rules For Life’ “Even if you are prime minister of Canada, there will always be a president of United States, who has it better than you” or something like that, I do not remember it exactly, but that is the gist of it.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self. – Ernest Hemingway
I did not write anything for 5 minutes, trying to think of the third reason why I feel this way, and I farted which brought me to the third reason.
I’m having stomach problems for a while, which are, to be honest, are getting less severe since I started taking care of the things I eat and when I eat.
I was physically active always and I had a decent posture, but since I toned down with the food, I started losing weight and I do not like it.
On the bright side, I am still in the ideal weight range for my height, which is nice.
Lets start with the thing I came to Belgrade for, career. I recently left my old job which was literally sucking a life out of me, I was a team lead, developer, secretary, client relationship person and almost everything else that required an actual whole person to do.
Oh yea, I had a 9 hour shift, and I had to do things and communicate with the clients even when I’m not in my shift. For a paycheck of a junior developer. Seriously.
Since I failed to get my dream job a month ago, I had to find another work so I can fill these remaining 5 months until I can re-apply for the wanted position.
And I found a really nice ‘regular’ job that I will fulfill only one duty, WordPress developer. I am responsible only for myself, and the things I do, which is the amazing thing after the bloodlust in the previous job.
And it is much closer to a place where I live, so I would take this as a plus.
The new job is closer and the reason for that is that I moved from the old apartment where I was freezing my nads off and the humidity was literally making my walls wet. The apartment had one advantage that kept me there and it was making me stay despite other things. The neighborhood was the dead silent and peaceful and since I appreciate the peace I overlooked everything else.
The reason I eventually decided to move was the new job and the offices located on the other side of the city, and the commute would take half the day.
The apartment I live in now is new, with fresh furniture, no humidity AND it is equally peaceful as the old one.
Also, big plus.
Until last year, I never left the country but I started traveling as well, I visited Italy and Poland last year, which were an amazing experience.
I love music and I DeeJay as a hobby, last year I acquired a Pioneer DJ controller which I dreamt of when I was younger and I could not afford it.
I changed the old laptop last year as well. Clothes, shoes, environment, almost every aspect of my life is better than it uses to be, and I still managed to feel bad, I need to change that pronto.
In conclusion, I blame cold weather and the night that lasts for two-thirds of the day. And with this post and the facts listed, I will keep in mind that I actually do well right now, and the things missing will come naturally when the time is right so I will not obsess about them.
Oh yea, I really like drinking tea instead of the alcohol that I was drowning in until recently.