It is Saturday, 1 in the afternoon. I woke up at 6:30 for some reason, had breakfast and did some work and made hand over fist money, approximate to local average paycheck. I went to the gym and did an amazing workout following 30 minutes of treadmill run. Drank my protein shake and took a nice cold shower.
Amazing, right? Wrong, I still feel like a huge pile of crap. It could be related to the fact that I was drunk like an ass 2 days ago? Or maybe I am missing something and do not realize it. I can pinpoint couple of things but none of them are strong enough reason for the way I am.
While doing some pros and cons of my current life, the logical pro pile is way larger than the con one, but the logic did not help as much either.
I’ve considered therapy as well, and when I started thinking about it I remembered this ‘tough love’ style some therapists practice when they ask you ‘why don’t you kill yourself’ so you can list all the things in your life that are worth living for. And, guess what, I don’t have an answer. The only one I could think of is ‘It will get better?!’. I am waiting for a decade to be better, but it kinda stayed the same. Ok, material situation did improve a bit, and I am not scared for my existence anymore, but the will to live and do stuff simply did not come.
I got that off my head so I’m going to buy some stuff I don’t need to make myself feel better, which I will not.
If someone stumbles up this crap I wrote, let me know if you have a solution or a recommendation how to improve above mentioned things.